I chickened out

Oh yes I did. I feel like a failure. I feel betrayed and defeated by my own self. I’m still in denial and I like to blame the circumstances for this withdrawal from such a courageous act. How I wish I could just go back and … do it!
 

Let me explain. On my trip back to Muscat from England, I felt the urge to write, to fill a piece of paper with the most powerful tool in the world, with words. The Mr. was sitting beside me, his eyes fixated on a tiny screen in front of him, indulged in what appeared to be the “monsters against aliens” movie. I asked him to bring me the notebook from the overhead locker, he laughed hysterically to what I thought was on my request, apparently it was on something he’d seen on the screen, a monster fell down or something close to that. I politely asked again if he could get me my notebook from the overhead locker, another laughter, a very deep one this time. My compassionate self chose to let go of my urge to write and let the Mr. focus. There must be something more important after all, the monster again ready to take a serious step forward, maybe?

It’s difficult to suppress an urge, I’ve never thought it would that difficult. Alas, you learn a lot when the one and only person you know among some 200 others, on a place above ground, on air,  chooses a monster over you!

I felt lonely and I seriously needed to vent out. I saw nothing but a pile of magazines hidden inside a pocket in the seat in front of me. There, my eye glittered, I produced a gentle squeak of laughter that only echoed back to me, because again the Mr. was deeply entertained with monsters and aliens! I picked the “duty free” magazine, and started searching like a nurse trying to look for a good vain in a fleshy area for a prick. I found it!! Spacious, colourful and inviting… and I wrote……

words..

words..

 

I spilled those words out, put the magazine back in it’s pocket to rest in peace, covered myself with the blanket provided and sighed in relief. I’ve always imagined I’ll write something in a bottle and drop it at the sea to see where it goes. That was kinda unrealistic, this thing I did was very realistic. It could easily reach a reader’s hand, I was really eager to see what happens next. If you notice, my blog link was there, so the reader could and hopefully would get back to me, sometime!

Just after this courageous act, I knocked gently on the Mr.’s shoulder, told him what I intend to do, he laughed, looked at me and said “I like the idea, but you can’t do it!… you simply won’t”, I said “WHAT?! Why not? you’ll see…”

The captain announced that we have started descending. My mind was on auto-pilot at the moment, driven by innate powers, I took the magazine and had it resting on my lap. The last thing I remember was this piece of paper (the picture above), with my words on, on my lap. We arrived safely, came home, I opened my handbag to take my contact lens solution out, and………. the paper was  in my handbag! My courageous act was……..in my handbag!

I know…. I feel like such a coward! I’ve turned one of my fantasies down, I feel hopeless. I came back from this experience, with 3 words, “I chickened out…”!

 

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9 Comments

  1. Nadia said,

    October 6, 2009 at 8:41 am

    Do it again! I’ve done it before. Often I leave messages in restaurants and bathrooms in airports, but the idea is leaving your blog is quite interesting too. I’ll try that next time I’m travelling.

    Believe me, people LOVE to find mysterious notes left in random places. It’s what connects us as humans. Something so basic, and you could make someone’s day.

    Sometimes I’ve thought of writing a letter to a complete stranger. Not just a note, but a full letter, and putting it in a book at a bookstore, or in a cafe.

    Don’t give up. Do it again.

  2. nadia said,

    October 6, 2009 at 10:14 am

    I’ve often left notes with inspirational quotes in books from the library. But that was during the time when I didn’t even have an email account, let alone a blog. So I never knew who got those notes. You should keep that note for your next flight 🙂

  3. October 7, 2009 at 12:20 am

    I agree with Nadia – do it again! I would LOVE to find a random note like that! Esp. with an address I could trace it back to. Plus what you wrote was really nice 🙂 You’re so cute, masha’Allah! 😛

  4. Shahrazad said,

    October 8, 2009 at 12:21 am

    Nadia(s): Ahh.. so you’ve done it before, I’m jealous, wait..now that’s a drive. I’ll do it, as soon as I get the chance 🙂

    Sara, thanks dear 😀

  5. Alma said,

    October 8, 2009 at 9:20 am

    Now that’s one incredible idea! Since this has always been one of your fantasies then please dont let it go away and I’m POSITIVE that you’d do it again InshAllah! It’s an absolutely beautiful way of connecting to others 🙂

    • Shahrazad said,

      October 8, 2009 at 1:35 pm

      …. another motivator 😀 I will and I’ll let you know when I do Inshallah.

      Thanks for passing by – make it a habit 😉

  6. Um Haitham said,

    October 30, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    was a good idea, i guess if it was me , i would do it

  7. Sonia said,

    April 27, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    I have done something similar. When I went to Italy to visit with my daughter who was studying abroad, I had a few books I brought with me for the long flight and the trip itself. After each book was finished, I wrote a note in each one and left an email address so whomever was fortunate enough to find the book would read it, and share their thoughts with me. I fear the maintenance workers may have put the books in the lost and found or simply thrown them away. I still do this from time to time. My messages are simple; enjoy the book as I have-share your thoughts on this book with me-whata do you like reading.. and shamefully, I plug my blog site. It’s interesting to do because one never knows out of the blue who will be daring enough to take it to the next level. It could be the start of something big… but if it ever does work, it will connect people in ways they probably didn’t think would or could happen. Do it again…but this time.. go the distance.

    • Shahrazad said,

      April 30, 2010 at 9:50 pm

      Oh I’m not giving myself a chance next time. I’ll go all the way..

      True. It’s just amazing how people get connected in various ways in our modern era. I’ve experienced this with blogging, I met and made friends with a couple of bloggers already!

      Thanks Sonia for passing by, make it a habit 🙂


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